Monday, May 23, 2011 
i'm seriously confused.
i believed what you said.
but it didn't turn out the way you mentioned.
you were always right.
and i'm always in the wrong no matter what happens.
you can say such beautiful phrases that make me smile upon reading it.
but little did i know that underneath all that was actually a lie.
the names you called me, made me feel like i'm at the top of the world.
like i'm the luckiest person one earth.
but i didn't know...,
that it was all only in my head.
you know...,
i wish, you would actually come clean to me.
and despite saying it to you,
you either really didn't know, or you're just acting to cover it up.
i loved you so much.
i believed whatever you said.
but then you, ... [i seriously don't know what to say anymore.]
you can be the one saying that i did not do this, that, this, that.
but you? you actually did what you said.
whatever it is...
i don't want to know anymore.
i don't want to know the details.
because i saw it with my own eyes.
and i trust what it says.
and what i saw, was that you lied.
i don't know what to say anymore.
really.
and no matter what happens, the first thing you'll ask is 'what did you do AGAIN'.
why?
so to you, i'm nothing more than a trouble maker?
it that what it is now?
the first thing you'd ask was that.
has it never crossed your mind, that i'm not the one who did something wrong?
i guess you did not.
to you, i guess, i'm the only one that would make trouble for others.
making them to nag and scold me.
then later i would complain and say that they scold me for nothing.
i guess to you,
i'm that kind of person.
nvm then.
i don't want anything.
i don't want to expect anything from you again.
because when you did that...
i'm hurt.
i love you, but you ....
it's alright i guess.
you say you wanna die for me to see.
die then...
if you want to.
to me, death isn't scary.
i've been planning for it already.
it might happen...
by next year...
maybe, maybe not.
i don't know what you want...
but maybe it's best if i don't expect you to do anything for me, and i don't get my hopes high...
maybe only then we won't quarrel.
just forget it..
all my fault.
my fault that i cannot meet your expectations.
my fault that i keep quiet about things.
my fault that i did not do this and that.
all my fault kay?
i woke up today, trying to figure out why you did that.
until i remember what you wrote.
then i realize that you couldn't let go.
you wouldn't forget no matter.
don't tell me that it was a misunderstanding.
because i saw what you wrote.
and it was the same as how you called me.
so how am i to believe that it was a typo or something you wrote accidentally?
this is the reason why i say,
you know only how to say me.
then i'm asking you here.
what about you?
Written off blah blah @ 5:34 PM.